I want a tattoo of something bike related on my body. But I need help choosing not only exactly of what, but where. I thought my calf; my sister suggested my forehead; a friend suggested another questionable place. I can't decide.

The vision I have for the perfect tattoo is a simple stencil of a bicycle; picture the painted image of a bike that you see in bike lines. It's about as straightforward as a tattoo could be. Right? Wrong.

I've been warned that tattoos are for life. What I appreciate most about this sort of advice is that it is not obvious. My more insightful friends say that a tattoo should symbolize something that will never lose meaning in your life.

Other than my loved ones, there are two things that I'll always treasure in my heart and mind: cycling and peanut butter.

Don't doubt that I gave semi-serious consideration to the peanut butter option. Realistically, though, a tattoo of peanut butter may be difficult for the average viewer to interpret. Also, as I age and sag, it would be anyone's guess as to what this peanut butter tattoo would look like. With an ultimatum from my wife, the decision was made for me. A cycling-themed tattoo it would be.

With an ounce of clarity, the next bits of uninvited advice from my peers came pouring in. It was told that I should not get my new tattoo done by a drunk in a dank basement. Again, this calibre of advice is always appreciated.

I paid a visit to a few tattoo shops; I was impressed with the professionalism and awe-inspiring artistic talent of each of them. The consultations were informative and worth my time.

I pitched my bicycle stencil tattoo idea to each tattoo artist with confidence and an assumption that its simplicity would keep things easy, quick, and inexpensive. How hard could it be to scribble a bike on some guy's body?

I turns out that drawing two identical free-hand circles--the wheels--isn't easy. This would take considerably more preparation, time, and money than I originally thought. Suddenly, my simple bicycle stencil tattoo became a chore for everyone.

With the peanut butter tattoo option off the table and the bike stencil tattoo less than easy, I had to get creative. The prospect of a tattoo has excited me for some time. The urge to get a one isn't going to go away. I will get a tattoo, but of what exactly, and of course, where, are questions that remain. Help.

To tide me over until I reach the tipping point and a needle is drilling ink into my body, I've settled for a $9 cycling pendant to wear around my neck.

Jeffrey@theroadiescholar.com