There are all kinds of books out there equipped to help you get the right mate. If youre not into self-help books and believe in trying things the old fashioned way (meeting in a café or through friends), you may run into roadblocks. People are connecting a lot digitally via text messages and social media. Even if you manage to meet someone the old fashioned way, the dating rules are noticeably different and continually changing.
Ive heard from people that the two best places to meet someone are a bookstore or a grocery store. It also makes sense to meet someone doing something you really enjoy. It establishes an immediate point of common interest that you both share. In fact, when we are more attuned to our environment around us instead of staring into our cellphones, we may notice great potential mates. Its not true that there are few eligible potential mates but rather that were not prying ourselves away from the virtual world to see whats truly out there. Technology gives us a false sense of connection that is incomplete. Feeling like youre connected doesnt actually mean that you are.
Its no wonder that 50 per cent of single Americans have not had a date in over two years. Its tough to get out there when the first step of meeting someone contains so many hurdles. For men, the number one issue when it comes to dating frequently is the financial cost of dates. For women, dating frequently superimposes the stigma that youre easy or just looking for a good time. There are certain qualities that men report avoiding in women including: someone who talks about marriage too soon, serial flirters, clinginess, party girls, a woman who talks too much and drama queens.
For first dates, men list that talking too much about yourself, over eagerness, talking about your ex and showing up late as turn-offs for women they meet. However, when it comes to dating, men report that they fear a relationship will come between their friendships, that their free time will be limited, that the woman they date will be too high maintenance or that they will turn out to be a stalker. The take-home message from all these reports is that balance is key. When we expect too much it stretches into being high maintenance while being too free spirited can be seen as a lack of readiness for commitment.
So if you manage to get past the second or third date and your partner doesnt seem to show signs of being a needy and high maintenance party girl, when do you know when youre love? It can be anxiety-provoking saying you love someone for the first time. Contrary to what most people think, men often fall harder and faster than women. Research shows that men will often know they are in love after three dates versus 14 dates for women.
Although these statistics provide us with common themes in dating, there isnt a set of rules that will lead you to success. Its not as complicated as we think it is when we consider what our partner is looking for. Simply stop, look and listen.
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Amy Yew is a researcher and therapist. Tell us what you think and submit any questions you have to [email protected]. You can also tweet your thoughts on Twitter @AmyYew.
