As many of you know, CBC lost the rights to its original Hockey Night in Canada theme in 2008 after failing to pony up the necessary costs to secure the stirring, brass-friendly tune. Subsequently, CTV and TSN opened their wallets and scooped up what some people consider Canada’s other national anthem. Personally, our vote goes to Mitsou’s “Bye Bye Mon Cowboy” and Crowbar’s “Oh, What a Feeling,” but they’re tied for a close third at least.
Losing the HNIC theme was yet another short-sighted failing by the Mother Corp., right up there with putting the Friendly Giant out to pasture, letting PJ Stock go anywhere near a microphone and rejecting K&K’s pitch for a made-for-TV biopic called Inside the Tickle Trunk, starring Gordon Pinsent as Mr. Dressup, Megan Follows as Aunt Bird, some dude from Heartland as Casey, Don Cherry as the voice of mute dog Finnegan and George Stroumboulopoulos reprising his role as Alligator Al.
And like any television network desperately trying to seem hip and engaged with its dwindling viewers, CBC held a contest to pick the next HNIC theme. In the end, they chose a song by an Alberta music teacher called “Canadian Gold.” And as one might expect from a song penned by an Alberta music teacher called “Canadian Gold,” the song was completely inoffensive and unmemorable, sounding like a mash-up of pickup truck commercials. We couldn’t even hum you a few bars. Which is probably why, unfortunately, CBC has decided to launch another song contest.
According to a recent press release, “Hockey Night in Canada alongside CBCMusic.ca are looking for inspirational, energetic songs that will excite hockey fans from coast to coast to coast and get the nation’s heart pounding in this year’s edition of Song Quest.” Judges for the contest include Juno and Grammy Award-nominated Sara Quin of Tegan and Sara fame, former NHLer Theo Fleury, Nova Scotia rocker Joel Plaskett, singer-songwriter Chantal Kreviazuk and, sigh, CBC Hockey Night in Canada analyst and adult diaper spokesman PJ Stock.
Not only that, the winning song will be produced by Plaskett and “featured in a video montage for an opening sequence of a Hockey Night in Canada broadcast.” The winner “will also travel to Lloydminster, AB/SK to perform their song at the Scotiabank Hockey Day in Canada concert on Jan. 18, 2014,” and likely get to party alongside Ron MacLean and give Kelly Hrudey and his fantastic hair a noogie.
In case you’re wondering, we’ve already started working on a few possible songs to enter in the contest: a bare-bones piano ballad called “Rick Tochhet’s Lament,” a sexy R. Kelly-style R&B groove called “When in Aaron Rome” and an X-rated hip hop party jam called “Lower Body Injury” in which we come up with some creative rhymes for PJ Stock. You’ve been warned, CBC.