The NHL trade deadline approaches, but is this a seller's market? According to Jim Benning in a recent TSN1040 interview, it’s hard to say because not many teams are selling.
Except, as Daniel Wagner points out, turns out that’s exactly what a seller’s market is.
Probably just a mistake, right? I needed to clear up this misunderstanding. I jumped on the horn with Mr. Benning and asked the hard questions. Alas, to my dismay, it is abundantly clear he truly has no clue what a “seller’s market” is.
But it runs much deeper. On a hunch, I asked him to define a bunch of other hockey terms for me, in his own words. Like a voting machine with an electrical short, the results are shocking.
…
-What is a seller’s market?
“Weird question. Zellers? Used to be a big department store chain but they’ve closed down now. Back to the hockey?”
-Backcheck?
“When you staple a blank cheque to your back for emergencies. Everybody does it.”
-Forecheck?
"Much more painful.”
-Prospects?
“Pro’s pecs? The pectoral muscles of a professional athlete. Swish! Next question.”
-Breakaway?
“In my opinion, which I respect, Kelly Clarkson is hugely underrated.”
-Shootout?
"Shoe touts? Aggressive footwear sales.”
-Hash marks?
"Legalize it, Trudeau!”
-Illegal high hit?
“Refer to my previous answer.”
-Icing?
“I like to eat it with a spoon after an illegal high hit.”
-Penalty kill?
“Easy! Those are the given and middle names of P.K. Subban. Double swish!”
-Shorthanded?
“I don’t want to get too political, but let me just say that from where I stand, they do look pretty small.”
-The trap?
"The players like it, but it’s not a music style I really appreciate. Give me Kelly Clarkson any old day.”
-Goal crease?
“You mean crease goal? That’s when a puck deflects off Jarome Iginla’s forehead and into the net.”
-Playmaker?
“How dumb do you think I am? Um, does Shakespeare ring a bell?”
-Two-way forward?
“We strongly believe that hockey is for everyone.”
-Second-round pick:
“That’s the special present you give to other general managers. You give them a second rounder so that they pick up the phone.”
-Zamboni:
“I recently ordered one at Boston Pizza. Delicious.”
