The Canucks’ bye week could not have come at a worse time: with no games to distract us, Canucks fans are left obsessing over the upcoming trade deadline. It’s a sickness: there’s no real news of anything actually happening, so all we can do is overreact to anything that might be news.
Did you hear? Francesco Aquilini and Trevor Linden flew to LA! Ryan Miller is in LA! It’s all happening!
In other news, reports are indicating that Jannik Hansen has been asked to provide his list of 8 trade-approved teams as stipulated by the modified no-trade clause in his contract.
My understanding is that Jannik Hansen was scheduled to provide his trade-approved list of 8 teams to the #Canucks last night.
— Matthew Sekeres (@mattsekeres) February 22, 2017
I’m here to confirm that this report is 100% accurate and that not only has Hansen provided his list of 8 teams to the Canucks, we at Pass it to Bulis have gotten our hands on the list thanks to the thieving skills of friend-of-the-blog Chris Nash. Here is an exclusive and totally really real* look at the 8 teams on Hansen’s list.
Pittsburgh Penguins
This makes a lot of sense: the Penguins are the defending Stanley Cup Champions and Hansen surely wants to win a Cup. Why wouldn’t the Penguins be on Hansen’s list? Who wouldn’t want the chance to potentially play with Sidney Crosby or Evgeni Malkin?
You can also understand why the Penguins would be interested: they’ve got plenty of firepower at the top of their roster, but could use an excellent utility player like Hansen that can fill out their lineup and help any of their forward lines. The salary cap might make a deal difficult though.
Minnesota Wild
The Wild are rolling, sitting on top of the Western Conference thanks to a surprisingly potent offence and Vezina-caliber goaltending from Devan Dubnyk. That’s the kind of team that Hansen would want to join and the kind of team that might be interested in loading up for a long playoff run.
Atlanta Falcons
The Falcons came oh so close to a championship, falling just short after some poor decision-making late in the Super Bowl. Hansen seems to think he can be a difference maker as they look to return to the championship game next season and he just might be right: his scrappy determination may be exactly what they need.
The A-Team
Jannik Hansen loves it when a plan comes together, doesn’t have time for your jibba jabba, and was also sent to prison by a military court for a crime he didn’t commit. The question is whether the A-Team has the right assets for the Canucks, as they lack in youth.
Team America: World Police
Hansen already has the voice of a puppet, so he’s a strong fit for the world’s premier world-policing police.
Team Rocket
You have to think Giovanni is sick of Jessie and James’s bumbling. With Hansen’s ability to improve any two players he lines up with, he could easily replace James alongside Jessie and Meowth and make them instantly more effective. No more blasting off again: it’s time to get that Pikachu.
The Guardians of the Galaxy
Somehow, one of Marvel’s most obscure teams became one of their biggest movie hits and Hansen wants in. He knows that if he plays his cards right, he could wind up with a lucrative, long-term deal.
Taylor Swift’s Squad
Hansen just really wants to be besties with Swift. Is that so much to ask? The Canucks could take Selena Gomez back in a trade after she was seen with The Weeknd, Bella Hadid’s ex, clearly violating Squad Code.
*This article is a work of fiction and any similarity between this list and the actual list provided by Jannik Hansen is purely coincidental. But if Hansen gets traded to the A-Team, then I am 100% going back on this statement.
