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I Watched This Game: Canucks 0, Capitals 3

Have you ever had one of those days? You try your darnedest, yet you just can’t find any inspiration in your work? Well cry me a river. I had to write up this game. It’s not just that the Canucks played poorly, they did.
Will Graham
I Watched This Game

Have you ever had one of those days? You try your darnedest, yet you just can’t find any inspiration in your work? Well cry me a river. I had to write up this game.

It’s not just that the Canucks played poorly, they did. It’s not just that they were outcoached, they definitely were. The problem was with the amount of things that happened; the extreme lack of things. No goal things, no decent chance things, no newsworthy line brawl things. Nothing happened in this game, and the weary Vancouver Canucks seemed pretty fine with that.

OK, I'm being disingenuous. Things definitely happened, they just all happened for the guys in the red jerseys. It was an embarassing effort.

The only good news I have is that by watching this game, I was able to level up my Canucks fan cynicism rating and activate my final gripe form. Only Jacob Markstrom escaped my righteous wrath while I watched this game.

  • The good news: Jannik Hansen is back, and he was put right back with Daniel and Henrik Sedin. The bad news: thanks to Hansen's return, Sven Baertschi was yanked from the lineup as a healthy scratch. Nothing says "Jack Adams candidate" quite like dismantling one of your few successful line combinations.  You're doing it wrong!
  • Troy Stecher was "Stechy on the spot" on a Jakub Vrana rush about six minutes into the first period. No big checks or fancy diving puck blocks required, Stecher just knew exactly where to be, showcasing that he’s the greatest Troy since that one city with the big horse. His hockey IQ is high and his ability to read (and subsequently break up) a dangerous play continues to impress me. Smaller defencemen tend to get a bad rap, but I ask you: who on Vancouver's blueline has performed better since Vancouver lost Alex Edler and Chris Tanev to injury?
  • On a timeout, Sportsnet did a bit on Jakub Vrana, showing him receiving a shaving cream facewash after his first NHL goal. John Shorthouse made the observation that it was likely the first time the baby-faced Vrana has ever experienced shaving cream. Ouch! On the heels of his Antti Niemi thinning hair comments, we ought to start calling him John Shadehouse.
  • It’s also worth mentioning that Shorthouse badly violated Rule #1 of playing against the Washington Capitals. Just like how uttering the name Beetlejuice three times causes him to appear, talking of Alexander Ovechkin’s scoring woes during a game means he will score, usually immediately.
  • Let's talk about that goal. On a Daniel Sedin penalty later in the first period, Ovechkin scored his 200th career power play tally, a dirt simple one by Ovechkin standards. Of course those standards are extraordinarily high, so that means it was a laser accurate and wickedly hard wrist shot. It was all the more painful coming on the heels of a highly ineffective Vancouver power play where they didn’t register a shot on net. It was so inept that Jay Beagle was actually able to catch a surprisingly restful power nap in the faceoff dot while the Canucks fumbled to gain the zone.
  • Jack “Will He?” Skille had an opportunity to score his fourth goal in three games late in the first period riding shotgun alongside Michael Chaput. The duo was aggressively forechecking (what a novel concept) and Skille flipped the puck on the side of the net, which trickled out into the middle of the crease with Braden Holtby way out of position. If he had scored, I would have pulled the trigger on my latest PITB article, entitled, “Does Vancouver’s New Top Line Have Skille Or What?”
  • Washington is one of those teams with stupid scoring depth. Evgeny Kuznetsov flashed some Einstein-level hockey IQ about five minutes into the third period. Ovechkin grabbed a rebound and threw it out to Kuznetsov, who had plenty of net to shoot at and a decent chance to score right there. So what did he do? He passed back to Justin Williams standing at the hashmarks on the other side of the ice, and Williams made no mistake. This was not really a stoppable goal for Markstrom, but holy puck luck Batman, can I pleez haz Kuznetsov? I haven't witnessed a goal that filthy since my brother pledged to become a chimney sweep.
  • Let's talk about the power play. I know you've heard plenty of flaccid PP jokes before, but I'm whipping it out again anyway. This team needs to get over their embarassment and face facts: they have projectile disfunction. By that I mean they are really bad at throwing projectiles at the net. Vancouver had five power play opportunities. Five. That means that for one sixth of the game they had an extra skater. Over those ten minutes they registered just one shot on net.

    Washington is a good team and they deserve credit. But Beagle dismantled one power play almost singlehandedly. If a 25-pound dog gives Vancouver such grief, things are pretty dire.
  • The one piece of good news is that Vancouver was pretty good at drawing penalties. Markus Granlund got around Dmitry Orlov, who had to pull him down. Hmm, Granlund sure does look like the fast, defensively sound winger that'd do some damage on a true checking line. *cough ShamelessPlug cough*
  • To say Vancouver's defence was crummy is a disservice to crumbs. The Capitals are not an easy team to defend against, but they do have observable tendencies. Like cross-ice feeds and centring passes on the rush. They had about 65 of those on Sunday afternoon, and almost every one resulted in a decent scoring opportunity.

    After seeing this move occur time and again, one would expect to see a bunch of orca jerseys down the middle to strangle those opportunities. But, like a Lower Mainland commuter hoping other drivers might equip winter tires, one would be dead wrong.
  • Vancouver did manage to kill off a five-on-three penalty in the opening minutes of the second period. But that was largely a result of Jacob Markstrom. The netminder looked sharp in his second consecutive start. His reflexes are incredible and it’s not hard to believe he could someday be dominant. He’s one of those puzzling goalies who tends to get better the more shots he faces.
  • Here's a little Marky Mark magic to brighten your evening:

  • Coach Willie Desjardins once again looked outcoached, this time by Barry Trotz. He just couldn't seem to win any time and space for his forwards. Heck, they could barely gain the offensive zone. That's reflected in Vancouver's poor Corsi rating of 42%. It's not like they were battered into submission, Washington just dominated them with skill and speed. That makes the choice to scratch Baertschi puzzling indeed, and leaves me grappling with big questions. Mucking with a going concern isn't the way to find success. Why not opt to run skill-on-skill? Why dismantle a Bo Horvat line that's humming and put Jack Skille on it? And why is gravity so strong when it doesn't even lift?
  • Desjardins pulled Markstrom with two minutes to play in an attempt to tie things up. As with previous power plays, Vancouver was unable to sustain pressure and eventually Tom Wilson scored an empty net goal. Moments later it seemed like the Caps had scored a humiliating fourth tally, but Justin Williams was ruled to have interfered with the goaltender. As if it matters. My life as a Canucks blogger is a journey through a twisting vortex of darkness. Despair and rage are my sole companions. Anyway, have a super happy Sunday everyone!
  • All right, I can't end on such a dismal note. I'm a Bulie! That just ain't us! Have a Sith groin kick.