Well, that was awful.
The Canucks headed into this game on a high note, having just stepped into playoff position the night before with a win over the dead-last Colorado Avalanche. They aimed to sustain that high note like Morten Harket heading into the All-Star break against the mostly-dead-last Arizona Coyotes.
Instead, they fell well down the musical scale and ended up with less whistle tone and more brown note. I had to change my pants after I watched this game.
- How does this happen? How does a team go from getting 20 shots on goal in the first period one night to literally zero shots on goal in the first period the very next night? It’s like The Darkness following up the sublime Permission to Land with the execrable One Way Ticket to Hell...and Back.
- The Canucks were actually credited with one shot on goal during the first period, but during the intermission it was cruelly taken away. You might ask why the NHL would bother officially reviewing such a thing, but they wouldn’t want to give a goaltender credit for a save he didn’t actually make. But if the NHL didn’t want to give Mike Smith anything he didn’t deserve, then why did they name him to the All-Star Game?
- It was shocking that the Canucks didn’t get a shot, because they managed to create several chances. But just like me in the late-nineties when my parents were on the phone, they couldn’t hit the net.
- The Canucks finally got a shot on goal when Alex Burrows’ cleared the puck on a second period penalty kill and happened to send it towards the Coyotes’ goal. It was 8:12 into the second period. The Canucks went over 28 minutes in this game without a shot. And remember, the Coyotes are bad. Nobody gives up more shots per game than the Coyotes. They’re literally the worst at preventing shots, like a completely ineffective anti-vaxxer group. And yet they kept the Canucks from getting a shot for nearly half an hour.
- It’s completely understandable after that first period that Willie Desjardins would switch on the Line Blender 3000, but it appeared to be malfunctioning, only switching Alex Burrows and Loui Eriksson. It was great to see Burrows back with the Sedins, if only for a brief moment, as Eriksson was back on the top line for the third period. Because when you’re down heading into the third period, you definitely want to go back to the lines that put up zero shots in a period against the friggin’ Arizona Coyotes.
- Ryan Miller only gave up two goals in this game and made some stunning saves, but my goodness were the goals he gave up ugly. On the first, he overplayed the initial shot, then got caught looking and moving the wrong way, giving Lawson Crouse room for the wraparound. John Garrett was quick to blame Alex Edler for getting his stick in Miller’s skates, because goalies protect their own, but there was no chance that Miller was getting back to make that save. Heck, Edler probably helped Miller get his skate across faster.
- On the Coyotes’ second goal, Miller completely lost track of the puck, thinking it was underneath him at the side of the goal. Like the time Nicolas Cage’s girlfriend broke up with him for acting bored when she was talking to him, Miller left a yawning cage. Alexander Burmistrov put the puck into the cage like it was a swarm of bees for his first goal of the season.
- Hey, Philip Larsen was back for this game. That’s a relief, considering I was worried his career might be over after he got flattened by Taylor Hall. And he played an okay game! That’s neat.
- Okay, how else can I polish this turd of a game? Oh, the fourth line was good. Easily the best Canucks line. Still not really a serious threat to score a goal, but they at least kept the puck in the offensive zone during their shifts and had one really strong shift in the third period that totally did not lead to a goal. But hey, it’s something.
- Wait, I can’t end this IWTG on a positive note! That game was terrible. Fortunately, there’s one more awful thing to mention: down by two goals late in the third, Desjardins pulled Miller for the extra attacker. That extra attacker was...Michael Chaput. I will remind you: Chaput has 3 career goals and 12 career points. I don’t care how competent a fourth liner he may be, he has no business being the extra attacker when you need a goal! It’s like if you're going to book a former member of Destiny’s Child for the Super Bowl Halftime Show, you don't hire Farrah Franklin.
- I mean, why not Burrows as the extra attacker? Bo Horvat? Sven Baertschi? Hell, I would have accepted Brandon Sutter, who at least has a penchant for big goals. How is it possible that Chaput was the extra attacker? How?
