Against the Philadelphia Flyers on Sunday, the Canucks, true to form, decided to make my life hard. First, they opted to place Jayson Megna on the first unit power play again, causing me to tear my hair out. Secondly, they decided to ensure that all three goals were orchestrated by the player with the hardest name to spell, Shayne Gostisbehere, causing my spell-checker to tear its hair out.
I am frustrated enough by the slick defenceman’s needlessly long name that I’ve decided to misspell it for the remainder of this write-up.
The Canucks were hoping for a win to keep themselves in the playoff picture, while fans were simply hoping for anything that will provide some clarity on the team’s direction approaching the trade deadline. Hope is all we have. And you know what they say: once you’re beyond Hope, you’re in the interior of British Columbia and can continue on to either Kelowna, Kamloops or Prince George. I looked at a map of BC after I watched this game.
- Bucking the trend from the previous game, Vancouver got their first shot within two minutes of puck drop, and it was a beauty. The Sedins worked their magic behind the net before finding Granlund with plenty of room. Only a stellar save by Michal Neuvirth spared the Flyers. There were no aliens, no pseudo-spiritualism and no well-worn plot devices, but despite all that there were plenty of Signs in this game that Markus Granlund is a good fit on the Sedin line.
- Vancouver took two penalties in a row, the second being a holding call on Alex Burrows. Bad news, because the Flyers’ power play looked strong on both those attempts, and capitalized easily on a goal during the second. Sheen Goshbearhair flung a puck on net, and the rebound found one-man wrecking crew Wayne Simmonds. Simmonds must love fish and chips, because he battered that puck three times, finally scoring his 25th goal on the third swat. It was greasy and made my stomach hurt, but I bet the Flyers thought it was pretty tasty. The refs on the ice initially called no-goal, but a review confirmed that Simmonds’ deep-fried tally was good, if not good for you.
- A clear sign that Troy Stecher still lives at home: when he makes a mess, he cleans it up. Good lad! He made a nifty move in the first period, gaining the zone with speed, but Sean Couturier was wise to this smooth skating defender, and he picked off the puck for an odd-man rush the other way. Stecher flew back at top speed, caught up to the play and, like his music idol Janet Jackson, regained control.
- In the later minutes of the first period, the Canucks had two consecutive power plays, each more ineffectual than the last. Over four minutes of 5-on-4 they registered just one shot on goal: a Loui Eriksson chance from in close. Isn’t Vancouver a congested city known for its heavy traffic? Because there was none in front of the net. Not that it matters, because unlike Elisha Cuthbert, the team was never in the zone.
- Shame Ghostsbenear, being a ghost, has a spooky ability to read the play. When he initially send a rink-wide pass to Sean Couturier, I scoffed. It looked like a dumb move, until I realized it would only be dumb if just about anyone in a blue jersey had tried it. Sean Couturier got it, shot it, and Jakub Voracek brought it home. The Czech had acres of net and easily put the Flyers up by two.
- Nikita Tryamkin was called on a holding penalty moments after the second goal, and like a queen removing her cloak, Gassybeware continued to dismantle. Philly’s powerplay was as effective as the Canucks' was impotent. Goatsbehere quickly passed to Brayden Schenn, who skated right through the middle of the Canucks’ zone and wristed a shot which Wayne Simmonds tipped past Ryan Miller. This was Goretexblazer’s third point of the game.
- Hoping to gain some momentum, Henrik held the puck in the offensive zone and sent it back to brother Daniel, who slapped the puck on net from the point. Markus Granlund tipped the shot home with the most dazzling display of hand-eye coordination since the Pale Man from Pan’s Labyrinth. It was a much needed injection of energy after a couple of deflating goals.
- Having just invested in insurance coverage for his china shop, Bo Horvat was feeling extra bullish. He took a long pass from Ben Hutton, crashed his way into the Flyer’s zone, flew behind the net, and sent a pass into the chaos in front of Neuvirth. Jannik Hansen was right there and squeaked the puck in through the pads, cutting Philadelphia’s lead to one. This assist gave Horvat 40 points this season, tying his career high.
- The third period featured pretty reasonable action on both ends of the ice, but chance-wise it favoured the Flyers. A notable Vancouver opportunity came when Alex Burrows was pushed into the net, knocking Michal Neuvirth down. Henrik Sedin mustered a shot on net just as the goalie regained his footing to make the stop.
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Willie Desjardins decided to balance reason with a generous portion of madness, as Jayson Megna once again appeared on the first unit power play. It’s one heck of a plum assignment, but a tougher one than keeping a straight face next to Will Farrell (NSFW). I put it to Twitter to find an answer to this bewildering special teams decision, here are the results.
Willie still playing Megna on the first unit PP. Must be a rational explanation. So which is it?
— Pass it to Bulis (@passittobulis) February 20, 2017
OK, my poll might have been a tad leading. Still, in hockey, there are some things you’re just better off not knowing, like the proportion of spit present in NHL ice, or the exact choice phrases used by the players, or how Jayson Megna handles prime power play time. -
If you’ve got a boo in you and you don’t know where to lob it, please give Brandon Manning some consideration. You’ll recognize him as the human-shaped blob of cow dung wearing a Flyers helmet. Said dung, after crashing into Henrik Sedin with a dangerous hit, decided that he hadn’t done enough and chopped him in the leg with his stick. I hate this stuff. Take a look.
Here's Manning's cheap slash on Henrik. #Canucks pic.twitter.com/GgXwrjACkF
— Clay Imoo (@CanuckClay) February 20, 2017 - Philadelphia is a team that’s tough to hang with. They’re cool, they’re aloof, they wear tough leather jackets, and they play a furious transition game. Because they can. Vancouver played with fire while trailing, and therefore put their goaltender to work with rush after rush. Ryan Miller had several incredible saves off a Dale Weise rush in the latter minutes of the third, somehow keeping out a puck while on his back. Like most of Donald Trump’s tweets, it was unbelievable.
- Vancouver now enters a bye week, their next game coming on February 25th against the San Jose Sharks. Plenty of time for Vancouver’s management team to sit back, relax, and aggressively peddle their tradeable assets to any and all listeners. For the brotherly love.
