Here's a blog post about a video from CanucksTV that we initially ignored when it was posted on YouTube a week ago. The concept—what three things would you bring to a desert island?—seemed a little contrived, and I failed to see the real potential for comedy.
O what a fool this mortal be! This video ended up a surprising source of hilarity, and we would be remiss if we didn't both admit to our error and do what we could to correct it. You should watch this video. Here, go ahead:
Desalination tablets... or a machine would be great.
Yeah, if you're looking for the moment this segment veers off the rails (or just switches to a far more entertaining track), we'll go right about when Ryan Miller suggests bringing along some sort of desalination machine. You nerd. Might we suggest MIT's solar-powered one? It's a desert island, after all.
Normally with these things, it's the philosopher that pokes holes in the game. But in this case, it's Professor Ryan Miller, who will probably be building a helicopter made of coconuts and flying back to the mainland in a month anyway. He just needs potable water in the meantime, and some motivation to get off the island: he's invited Jannik Hansen to annoy him.
Miller's not the only one whose answers brought the funny, however.
Bo Horvat knows that two decades devoted to hockey have left him ill-prepared for the rigours of the wild. So he'd bring his phhone. "It'd probably help to call somebody." Yes it would. I'd call Ryan Miller. He has a solar-powered desalination machine on his island. He's a guy to know.
Horvat eventually remembers he'll need food and water, so those are items two and three. "Can't survive without food." He's gonna make it after all.
Dan Hamhuis asks a brilliant question. Are people items in this thought experiment? "Is my wife an item? A hot item?" Once the matter it settled, Hamhuis decides that, yes, he will be bringing his wife. But I think it's a mistake. Bringing another person means having someone, sure, but it also means having someone to be mad at you for not having the foresight to bring a solar-powered desalination machine, Dan.
Speaking of people with whom I wouldn't want to be marooned on an island, Derek Dorsett’s barely contained glee at just the thought of having a knife in this scenario is mildly creepy. Ooh, that’s a tough one. A desert island, away from the laws of man... can my other two items be people? Good news on that front, Derek. Thanks to Dan Hamhuis, a dangerous precedent has been set. (Hamhuis has no nefarious ends, though. His second item is a plane, which means he's no longer stranded on a desert island with his wife. Now it's a romantic getaway. His third item is chickens. Probably for several moonlight dinners.)
Dorsett's other two items are pretty bad. When he was going first, it was totally fine when he suggested something so simple as a knife. But now that Dan Hamhuis is bringing his wife and a plane, and Ryan Miller has a solar-powered desalination machine and probably a toolkit to splice animals together into new animals, Dorsett's second and third items -- a jug and some matches -- seem pretty rudimentary in comparison. He's gonna feel silly when he runs out of matches and Ryan Miller's entire island is lit up by a Tesla Powerwall.
Alex Edler would pull a Hamhuis and turn the whole thing into a getaway, bringing a big yacht and two friends. But chances are the island already has an empty, broken-down yacht, since how do you think you got to the island, Alex, and if you brought nothing else, your friends are now your food source. Way to go. Seems to me if you do bring another person, you should make like Ryan Miller and bring a Hansen-type -- someone who already has that mad scientist's assistant vibe.
Chris Tanev would... I don't remember. I fell asleep while he was talking. Something about surfing.
