Life seems to get more hectic come fall. Barbecues, bicycling and the beach get left behind to get on with the serious business of work and school. Responsibilities can feel weighty and a sense of being overwhelmed can snowball as Christmas suddenly looms.
So what Coles Notes of dos and don’ts does a stress expert prescribe?
Sleep
Claire Maisonneuve, director, founder and owner of the Alpine Anxiety and Stress Relief Clinic on West Broadway near Granville Street, says parents, children, teachers and administrators are struggling with uncertainty about the school year can alleviate anxiety by recharging through sleep.
“Everybody’s off their regular routine and schedule in the summer,” said Maisonneuve, a registered clinical counsellor. “So the first thing is to re-establish a really good sleep routine because without sleep, everything goes to the wayside.”
She says preschoolers need 12 hours sleep, school-aged children to teenagers need 10 and adults need a minimum of eight.
Connect
Nurture connections with loved ones.
“That’s what creates security and safety,” Maisonneuve said.
She recommends families eat together at least three times per week.
Connecting and socializing aren’t the same.
“I often say socializing is overrated,” Maisonneuve said. “People want to socialize but they’re so anxious in socializing, partly because they’re anxious around people because they compare themselves.”
She says it’s fine to have one or two close friends.
“You don’t need to have 40 friends,” she said. “And then there’s Facebook… You don’t need to do a million things every week, all the time,” she continued. “Especially if you’re married. Spend some time with your spouse.”
Keep extracurricular activities in check
Maisonneuve recommends limiting children’s extracurricular activities to two per week.
“So that you can have time to be together, because what brings support and what calms people down is feeling safe and secure with somebody else,” she said. “Texting doesn’t do that.”
Schedule family fun
Maisonneuve encourages families to schedule pleasurable activities and to allow kids to choose what you do.
Together time means space to talk about feelings.
“Rather than, you know, ‘Suck it up, just deal with it, change is good, everybody does it, just move on, don’t be a wuss,’” she said.
Maisonneuve recommends parents who are uncomfortable with unpleasant feelings to take her eight-week anxiety and stress-relief program to become better role models for their kids or read the book Parenting From the Inside Out, written by psychiatrist Dan Siegel.
Eating well and exercising contribute to wellbeing, Maisonneuve says, but how we cope with our thoughts and resulting feelings is key.
“You can drink all the carrot juice you want, you can exercise all you want, but if what’s leaking from your mind is constant negativity, that carrot juice ain’t gonna do any good for you,” she said.
Great expectations
Healthy adults set realistic expectations.
“Don’t make kids become what you couldn’t be,” Maisonneuve. “And also eliminate the performance anxiety in the kids.” That is, don’t expect all A’s this year in school.
Instead, parents can nurture children with messages of support.
“Do your best. I trust in you. I know you can do this. I’m behind you. I’m here to help you. Give encouraging words rather than rather orders and commands,” she said.
Don’t compare
“Comparison is an absolute weapon for self-hatred,” Maisonneuve said.
When future events such as exam time or Christmastime start to feel overwhelming, Maisonneuve recommends breaking the preoccupation of vast concern down to manageable chunks you can deal with day-by-day.
“Don’t plan four months ahead,” she said.
Maisonneuve recommends people who are feeling anxious regulate their breathing, notice their thoughts and live in the moment. She helps people cultivate mindfulness techniques, that is being aware of the thoughts that can clutter your mind and lead to unpleasant feelings, so they can detach from the thoughts and choose whether to believe them and how to act.
Resources
Besides the Siegel book and Maisonneuve’s eight-week anxiety and stress relief program, which starts Sept. 8, Maisonneuve recommends taking a course in mindfulness techniques.
“You don’t have to live with and be a victim to anxiety,” Maisonneuve says. “There is a definite way and sure-fire things that people can do to heal.”
Maisonneuve was motivated at age 19 to learn how she could better manage her own anxiety because she suffered panic attacks. Meditating has enormously enriched her life.
“I don’t know how people live without that time in silence with their interior life,” she said. “I’ve been doing it for 27 years, every day. I could not live without that.”
For more information, see anxietyandstressrelief.com.
