It’s certainly not like when our parents were growing up. My mom often told me that she just doesn’t get it and that the newer generation makes it much harder on themselves than they need to. I am in a unique position that I was dating before the advent of Facebook and social media exploded and continued to date post Facebook. The distinction doesn’t become any clearer for me that there is some truth to what my mom said.
Dating in this generation is loaded with landmines, confusion and blurring of what is or isn’t acceptable anymore. I once had someone tell me that sexting shouldn’t be considered cheating because what happens on the Internet shouldn’t count. I may have been new to social media at that time, but no way was I falling for that one.
It seems like even apps are getting increasingly sophisticated with every month that passes. You can now track your partner’s every movement on his cell phone or swipe away on a dating app to find your match. While these apps may seem to make our life easier, it’s really an illusion. Lots of options mean you have to sift through hundreds of potential partners (who really has time for that? We’re too busy trying to have it all). How do you actually focus on developing something deeper with someone knowing that your next date could easily be a click away?
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1. Online dating
Most of my single friends have hopped onto online dating. The response to it is usually lukewarm. First you have to create a profile, then you have to sift through hundreds of messages to find out who isn’t a creep. Every person also eventually wonders when their partner will decide to take down their online dating profile after “going steady”. Do people still call it that these days?
2. Facebook status
A Facebook status is a declaration to all your online friends and being in a relationship is a significant announcement. So what if your partner chooses not to declare officially that he/she is in a relationship? What happens after you’ve broken up? The humiliation continues when it goes public to everyone that you’ve ended your relationship.
3. Your ex on social media
Come on, be honest. You have at least one ex or someone you hooked up with still on your social media. You still get daily updates about their ongoings and thoughts. Remember when the only way to find someone is to call them? No wonder 74% of people reported having rebound sex with an ex after a breakup.
4. Is flirting/sexting someone considered cheating?
The answer is YES to me but for many people in the newer generation, this isn’t definitive. We’re now allowed to set whatever parameters we want in a relationship. Confusing to say the least.
5. Who pays on a date?
Going dutch is huge these days. Paying for your own date is now a sign of independence. Is it cold? Maybe. You’ll just have to ask what the preference of your date is.
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6. All or nothing (either they have it all or you’re settling)
We’re a generation of greed. We want it all: the career, fancy cars, partner, fame and children. The American dream is now on steroids and everyone wants a piece of the pie. The reality is, often time success takes sacrifice and there’s only 24 hours in a day in any generation.
7. Sex on the first date
This use to be the exception rather than the norm. However, more people are starting to subscribe to the belief that sex on the first date should be expected.
8. Divorce
Just in case marriage doesn’t work out for you, there’s always divorce. We don’t even have to worry about assets anymore, there’s usually a prenuptial agreement in place. The divorce rate is around 48% in Canada. Research shows that the chances of getting divorced in your second marriage doubles.
9. Are we together or not?
There are so many terms to define a relationship these days and any one is acceptable as long as you come up with a name for it. You can be dating, seeing each other, hanging out, friends with benefits and the list goes on. Knowing where your relationship stands can be hard to navigate and anxiety provoking when we’re in an era of anything goes.
10. Committing time to your partner
We’re all on a time crunch with deadlines and career goals. It seems we hardly have time anymore to even be in a relationship.
Amy Yew is a registered clinical counselor and relationship therapist. Tell us what you think and submit any questions you have to [email protected]. You can also tweet your thoughts on Twitter @AmyYew.
