Even though most people think my best advice is learned through years of educational training as a relationship counselor, it’s really those around me that often teach me the most. In the spirit of learning from others, I asked ten Vancouverites what their best relationship advice was. Here’s what they shared:
I can't even begin to pretend that I'm an expert on relationships. I've had such a short track record with dating because, to be honest, I've just never made it a priority. I've always focused on my career and my family first. But when discussing my lack of a love life with a friend, she mentioned the old saying about women having the relationships they think they deserve — and it pretty much stopped me in my tracks. I realized I had no right to complain about being single if I wasn't putting myself out there, at least a little bit. So, that's probably the best advice I've ever received, and would pass on to other. That, and don't settle for Mr. Wrong. –Aleesha Harris (Vancouver Sun)
a) Don't hold them back from blossoming into who they are and want to become. The tighter you hold on, the faster they leave.
b) Don't let the comfort in your relationship allow you to lose respect for each other. Those hurtful words can scar the heart and us girls never forget and vice versa. –Christie Lohr (Founder of Style Nine To Five)
First of all, I'm no expert. I believe you have to win the love lottery. Like having a successful career, so much about love is being in the right place at the right time. Knowing what you need, and having the right attitude can help. Find someone who understands and accepts you. Of course, that requires you do the same for them. I've found people who are happy in their relationships, their jobs, or life in general, accept what they have and are easily able to convince themselves they love it. That's not the same as settling.
On long-term relationships: These are some of the common threads I see in successful long term relationships: The ability to communicated your needs but not be too needy; be each other's #1; laugh at yourself; and get physical. It also helps if you find someone who is more like you than not. Opposites may attract but they don't stick. Like a good career, a good relationship goes through ups and downs and requires commitment, investment and patience. You shouldn't have to work too hard, and with any luck, you get a good severance package if it doesn't work out.
On overcoming breakup: He's an idiot who'd never have made you truly happy anyway! I'm only partly kidding. If he/she doesn't recognize how fabulous you are, you don't want him. If your behavior is the cause of the break-up, address it or you will repeat the pattern. I'm also a big believer in talking it out with friends. A glass of wine (or coffee) and a good friend is more fun than therapy...and so much cheaper. –Coleen Christie (News Correspondent for CTV)
a) Always look at your lover or partners relationship with the parent of the opposite sex. In my case I looked at the relationship of my man and his mother. This will tell you a lot about what your relationship will be like. It's the first relationship they have experienced with the opposite sex.
b) Never go on a second date with anyone if you do not burst into laughter that almost brings you to tears on the first date. I live by a quote from the movie Michael with John Travolta. " you got to learn to laugh, it's the way to true love." Life is far from perfect; knowing how to laugh with your partner is the most important.
c) Be their dream come true. Everyone has an idea in their head of the perfect someone but no one is perfect. It's just a bunch of little things that create that dream. So ask what they are, don't be afraid if you aren't all of them, the things you do align with are what you can focus on and live to create magic in their life.
d) Be honest, open and real. When you truly love someone you must know the worst thing about them and accept it. –Crystal Carson (Stylist)
Be honest. Be kind. Be caring. Be vulnerable. Love with complete abandon and laugh a LOT!–Fiona Forbes (Shaw TV Host)
a) Be open to new things. Step out of your comfort zone. If it doesn't work, at least you have some life experience.
b) Do not change for anyone. You will find someone who appreciates you for who you are. If they want you to act, talk, or be a different person, then your relationship will only crumble down the road. It won't be genuine.
c) Find similarities, and build on that. Whether be the gym, food, friends, what ever. You need that cushion to fall back on when you’re at the awkward moments. –Jason Harris (Executive Sous Chef at Fairmont Pacific Rim)
I'm in a long distance relationship so communication is by far the most important aspect. You need to learn to talk to your significant other in a kind and effective way.
This is a bit cheesy, but if you don't want to spend time with that person and just laugh and have fun (without the sex), it's probably not the right relationship. –Jill Lansky (Blogger)
To have a successful relationship, I believe it's important to try new things together, especially things you might be afraid of. There is something special about conquering fears with the one you love. You get to know your partner very quickly under stressful situations and learn how to support each other, as well as what each other's needs are. –Michelle Lan (PR and Marketing)
My parents always told me I never know what my destiny was. Relationships are an extension of you, they're what you project about yourself. Every person I've been on a date with was me in some form or another... I mean clearly, I was attracted to them for whatever reason! Little did I know I was projecting a broke 34 year old contractor, an Australian hipster, an aspiring singer and an articulate Brit. BUT, what I do know is I learned a lot about myself in the process. No guy is a waste of time, because that time is spent on you. –Randa Salloum (Blogger)
Just like everything else in life, don't try too hard. Trust me, it's not cute. –Viranlly Liemena (Assistant Merchant at Indochino)
Amy Yew is a registered clinical counselor and relationship therapist. She is also the author of a fashion and lifestyle blog Style Du Jour. Tell us what you think and submit any questions you have to amyvancouvercourier@gmail.com.
