There are certain chronological points in life that are considered milestones. When you turn 18 you’re considered an adult legally. At 19, you can legally consume and get into nightclubs. Your mid twenties are suppose to be the best time of your life and also when you also learn important lessons. Approaching 30 is a whole new game. Traditionalist would define 30 as a significant age of self-evaluation. Do you have a partner? How is your career going? How are things going in the looks department?
In your twenties you can get away with just about anything and chalk it up to exploration. You learn the lessons in your twenties and hope that you get it together in your thirties. No one likes to feel like a shoe in as a spinster or asked the dreadful question loaded with emotional landmines of “why are you single?” It’s difficult for anyone to ignore the feelings that come with that question—as if somehow you’re not following a scripted schedule or maybe there’s something profoundly undesirable about you.
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What happens when your life is not what you expected? This is an important question that can have a significant impact on the kind of life you have. I’ve always been excited turning 30 because it’s a truly the age of independence. Most people graduate from post secondary around their mid twenties and getting established in a new job can take several more years. When you’re finally 30, you feel empowered that you’ve achieved some kind of stability in your career. You learn to shed your insecurities and begin to embrace who you are. Turning 30 isn’t about looking for signs that reaffirm the traditional notions of what society has set for everyone. Instead, try looking at everything that contradicts it.
For example, I use to think that the fashion industry was saturated with girls in their early twenties. Upon further inspection, most editors and fashion directors were in their 30s’ or even 40s’. These women were smart, successful, confident and most importantly leaders. There’s no guarantee or magic list that ensures happiness. After all, if you believe marriage ensures a happy ending, 50% of people who divorce annually would disagree.
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My mother married my dad when she was 20 and while she’s happy that she did so, she often wonder what her life would be like if she had more time to see the world. I’ll admit that my parents have asked the dreaded question of why I was single. My mom would later tell me that the reason she asked was because she did not want me to see me lonely and would like me to experience all the joys of having a great partner the way she does. I understood her logic but it was always a hard one to swallow during family gatherings, which can sometimes feel like a tribunal.
As I approach the big 30 in 2014, I’ll be saying goodbye to late nights, living on sweets (well…a little never hurts), use of the word like in every sentence and the idea that there’s always more time.
Amy Yew is a registered clinical counselor and relationship therapist. Tell us what you think and submit any questions you have to amyvancouvercourier@gmail.com. You can also tweet your thoughts on Twitter @AmyYew.
