It’s hard out there when it comes to finding someone you can really connect with. Dating is a whole new game and gone are the days of strictly meeting someone in real life. There are dating sites and apps that can help you screen for just the person you’re looking for. The challenge of dating really comes down to the first date when you actually meet in person.
While most people have the best intentions in mind during a first date, your nerves or past history can sometimes mask the impression you’re trying to make. Here are five common mistakes people make on a first date:
- Being a pessimist.
Everybody has some baggage but focusing on the negative is going to be hard for your date to navigate out of. Using negative generalizations about “men” or “women” is not a good idea. Keep in mind that generalization are meant to simplify our concepts of the world but the dating process is much more complicated.
2. Not being aware of how much you’re talking (or not).
A first date can feel like an interview and people often talk too much or not at all because they’re nervous. Keep a consistent flow of conversation by following up with what the other person said. This will let them know that you’re listening and engaging with them.
3. Focusing solely on your past.
There’s no denying the past influences your thoughts and actions. However, if you’ve had a particular tough dating history and the issues are fairly heavy, it may be better to bring that up on a second or third date. Keep it light on the first date. As your partner begins to get to know you, it gives them an idea on how to be there for you. Unleashing something on a first date can leave your partner feeling awkward and confused on how to handle the situation.
4. Don't watch your alcohol consumption.
There’s nothing wrong with having a good time but getting extremely intoxicated on someone else’s tab is not going to win you points (or a second date).
5. Pushing your date into committing to a second date right away.
There are tons of books and advice columns that talk about the importance of getting a person to commit to a second date. However, if you’re asking for a second date in the beginning of the night, it can put your date in an awkward position. If the date is going well and you decide to ask for a second date at the end of the night, you’re probably doing it right.
Amy Yew is a registered clinical counselor and relationship therapist. She is also the author of a fashion and lifestyle blog Style Du Jour. Tell us what you think and submit any questions you have to [email protected].
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