7 possible reasons that wicked Lamborghini crashed into that lame fire hydrant

Kudos and Kvetches

Like many people with an excessive amount of time on their hands and an impressive collection of soft, grey jogging pants, K&K’s schadenfreude levels went off the charts last night. The source of our great pleasure was the now-ubiquitous photo of a d-bag green Lamborghini making sweet sweet love to a fire hydrant at the corner of Bute and West Georgia.

How did it get there? What did the driver have against fire hydrants? What do fire hydrants have against bitchin’ cars that cost the same amount as a house in Nanaimo with heart shaped Jacuzzi? (All houses in Nanaimo come with a heart-shaped Jacuzzi, BTW.) Here’s a list of possible reasons for this Greek tragedy of a yuppy traffic accident.

  1.       The girl-grabbing sea lion from the Steveston wharf pulled the driver’s latte out of their hand, causing them to swerve and lose control.
  2.       The Lamborghini was haunted by the so-called ghost of Hotel Vancouver.
  3.       The Vancouver Sun staged the whole thing to get web hits (the car accident, not the ghost story… that would be crass and insensitive to their readers’ well-known obsession with the supernatural).
  4.      The driver was distracted by the city’s new official bird, Anna’s hummingbird. Because Anna’s hummingbirds are terrible.
  5.       A noble and highly intelligent red-tailed hawk swooped down and prevented the driver from crashing into a group of school children, saving dozens of young lives, while still not being recognized by the city as a worthy candidate for official bird status.
  6.      Some damn cyclist and his damn bicycle ruining the roads for every last god-loving vehicle owner in the city. When is Moonbeam’s war on vehicles going to end? How many more green Lamborghinis have to perish?
  7.      Fire hydrants suck.


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