First they came for our bottled water and snack food purchased outside the concert venue and I did not speak out because I do not purchase bottled water or snack food, let alone bring bottled water or snack food into a concert venue.
Then they came for our backpacks for security to search before we were able to enter the concert venue and I did not speak out because I do not wear a backpack.
Then they came for our selfie sticks….
Yes, according to the Associated Press, both the Coachella and Lollapalooza music festivals have added selfie sticks to their long list of items concertgoers are not allowed to bring into the increasingly micromanaged world of hedonistic live music viewing rituals.
In case you haven’t walked along Vancouver’s seawall in the last two years, selfie sticks are those rod-like gizmos people affix their cameras or smartphones to and hold at arms-length in an attempt to take better photos or videos of themselves — at least better than if they simply held their phones in their hands and made duck faces.
And it’s not just music festivals that are attempting to suppress the will of narcissists, amateur photographers and cataloguers of banal moments and inconsequential blips on the radar of life. In Europe, the Palace of Versailles, London’s National Gallery and the Colosseum in Rome have also banned selfie sticks, claiming a need “to protect exhibits on display and ensure the safety of visitors.”
Closer to home, public events such as the Squamish Valley Music Festival, Bard on the Beach and Theatre Under the Stars have yet to weigh in on the hot topic of selfie sticks.
But similar to the riddle “If a tree falls in a forest, and no one hears it, does it make a sound?,” one has to ask, if the Funk Hunters are performing one of their signature high-energy DJ sets and groundbreaking audio-visual shows at the Blistex Lip Balm Chill-out tent and I don’t have a selfie stick to take a poorly lit, randomly composed photo of myself and my BFF @HottieBriannaX giving the devil horn sign with blurry figures that I can assure you are the Funk Brothers totally killing it in the background, was I even there? Did the concert even happen? And what am I going to post to my Twitter, Instagram, Facebook and Tumblr accounts?
Bummmmmmer.
