When dealing with a breakup, it’s often recommended (probably by your close friends) that you should do things to take your mind off thinking about it. Let it go they say and move on. It’s also possible that your friends have had it listening to your pre-breakup drama and want a change of topic.
For all you over analyzers of relationships, science is giving you permission to wallow. It turns out, thinking about your breakup can have some positive effects.
Here’s how the study broke down:
-The study consisted of 200 participants who recently experienced a breakup.
-Participants were asked to complete a 9-week assessment. One group was asked to attend four times during the study while the other group was asked to attend just twice.
-Assessments measured levels of breakup distress, loneliness, changes in self and stream of consciousness measures where participants spoke about their relationship using several prompts.
What they found:
Those who attended the meeting frequently and spoke more about their relationship reported less self-concept disturbance and regained their identity faster than those who attended less frequently. Those who attended frequently also reported feeling less loneliness and breakup distress.
What this study tells us is that thinking and analyzing what happened clarifies our experience of the relationship. Avoiding your feelings and suppressing your thoughts can sometimes affect your emotions in a way that keeps you hanging onto aspects of the relationship. Just like any story, you have to write your own conclusion to truly close a chapter of your life.
Amy Yew is a registered clinical counselor and relationship therapist. She is also the author of a fashion and lifestyle blog Style Du Jour. Tell us what you think and submit any questions you have to [email protected].
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