Who’s on your social media list? Why do you follow these people and how many of them have you had a romantic encounter with? There are many reasons to keep an ex on your friend list but it also seems masochistic that we sometimes keep exes that jilted us at one point or another on social media. However, study shows that 9 out of 10 people keep their exes on social media to spy on them. Even after partners have moved on, 74% still continue to keep their ex on social media. Researchers say that most people keep their ex to scrutinize their ex’s current mate. It’s not all bad news that you still follow your ex on social media. In fact, those who un-friended their ex report feeling higher levels of distressed and higher feelings of rejection also increased social media spying behavior.
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Researchers are also suggesting another reason people stay on social media: to keep the back burner warm for potential partners or to re-ignite one in the future. If you’re single, you may have had romantic interest in someone on your list. However, if you’re in a relationship, you may be using your social media list to seeking out a safety net or window shop for a better potential mate.
A back burner is defined in the context of this study as:
“people we are romantically and/or sexual interested in, who we are not currently involved with, and with whom we keep in contact in the possibility that we might someday connect romantically and/or sexually. People can have back burners even if they are already in a romantic relationship with someone else. Also, a former romantic and/or sexual partner can still count as a back burner so long as we still desire a romantic and/or sexual connection with them.”
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Here’s how the study broke down:
-Researchers used a college sample to conduct this study.
-Most men and women report having approximately 350 contacts (or Facebook friends).
-Men report having twice as many back burners compared to women.
-Both people in relationships report communicating with just as many back burners as singles.
-On Average, people in relationships report having romantic or sexual conversation with nearly two people on social media other than their current partner.
The main point that researchers are trying to show is that technology keeps connections alive and that social media can be a virtual “little black book” for us. It’s a tempting notion to convince yourself that you’re innocently communicating with someone you secretly find attracted to. Just because it’s social media doesn’t mean you’re not crossing the line into infidelity.
Amy Yew is a registered clinical counselor and relationship therapist. Tell us what you think and submit any questions you have to amyvancouvercourier@gmail.com. You can also tweet your thoughts on Twitter @AmyYew.
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