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CAN YOU REALLY GET PAST AN AFFAIR?

Research says approximately 56% of married couples cheat or have cheated on their partner in the past. Having an affair is also different today thanks to technological advances that allow us to find past or new loves by connecting via the internet.
Infedelity

 

Research says approximately 56% of married couples cheat or have cheated on their partner in the past. Having an affair is also different today thanks to technological advances that allow us to find past or new loves by connecting via the internet. Those who have been betrayed by someone they love will tell you that it’s both traumatic and something you may be able to get past but never forget. It changes your relationship and how you view your partner. It can also bring up a lot of insecurities about yourself as a partner.

Those who cheat will tell you that they often do it because they’re either looking outside the relationship to fulfill something that’s absent in their current relationship or they want to fulfill a sense of self validation when it comes to being attractive to other people.

If you’re feeling lost about what to do, know that you don’t have to make a decision to stay or go right away. It’s a process that time and insight will lead you through.

Couples who are attempting to recover from infidelity often go through the following phases:

1.     The Crisis Phase: The partner who found out about the infidelity often experience a sense of disbelief and shock.

What you should do:

-Not make any decisions now about what to do with your relationship.

-Take care of yourself and seek the support of friends and family.

-Know that the grieving process is normal and that many intense emotions may emerge. You are essentially letting go of the old vision of your relationship and accepting the place that you’re at.

 

2.     The Understanding/Insight Phase: You start to look at how and why the affair occurred.

What you should do:

-Develop empathy for each other and the situation that lead you to the current state.

-Do not start to assign blame but rather collaborate on finding out what lead to the affair.

-The key is to understand each other.

-Realize that you have a shared responsibility for what happened.

 

3.     The Vision Phase: This is where you’re ready for a new future and monogamy together.

What you should do:

-You start to make decisions about whether you would like to stay together or move on.

-You start to discuss of a new future together and what it would look like incorporating some aspect of what you learned from the affair.

-Find out what it will take for the both of you to stay together.

 

Amy Yew is a registered clinical counselor and relationship therapist. She is also the author of a fashion and lifestyle blog Style Du Jour. Tell us what you think and submit any questions you have to amyvancouvercourier@gmail.com.

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