As the holidays and are nearing and a new year is lerking, it brings an imminent bout of reflection on the lessons learned and resolutions moving forward. I find that it’s always during this time of the year that people start to behave differently. The holidays can be a lonely time for some people and reminds us of how much love (or the lack there of) we have present in our lives. It also doesn’t get any easier as you get older either.
The difference between holidays in my twenties and holidays in my pre-thirties is massive. In my twenties, holidays were a great time to get together with all my single friends party hopping while sipping on eggnog. Your friends are always available at that age and ready to get the party started to say the least. Being left out wasn’t even an option with endless invites for get togethers and your friends are always more than welcoming when it comes to joining each other’s family dinners.
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Holidays in your thirties are a contrast from the twenties to say the least. Just within the last 2 years, my single friends have basically dwindled down to just under 5. Their Christmas is often tightly scheduled with couple-ly obligations and twice the responsibility of what comes with holidays. Perhaps the biggest distinction between holidays in your twenties versus thirties is your move from being an avid attendee of parties to being a host.
Contrary to popular beliefs, the Christmas holiday season is actually a heightened period for breakups especially the weeks leading up to it. A study by David McCandless and Lee Byron from 2010 showed that Christmas season yields the second highest rate for breakups in comparison to springtime.
So why is the breakup rate so high during holiday season? According to Lee Byron and psychologist Dr. Dorree Lynn:
1. People often reflect on their year during this season and may have second thoughts when it comes to whether their partner is “meeting the parents worthy”.
2. People might want a clean slate for the new year especially if the relationship consists of high levels of pressure and worry.
3. Christmas shopping for your partner may set off a trigger of how intimate the gift should be. It’s often at this crossroads when people are struck by the reality of how much or little the relationship means to them.
4. If you’re on the fence about continuing the relationship, some people argue “why not break up before you spend hundreds of dollars on them?”
The type of gift you receive can also be an indication on where your relationship stands. While some people are just clueless gift givers, it has less to do with the monetary value of the gift and more to do with how much time and thought was put into it.
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For now we can always count on the humorous and enduring Bridget Jones to remind us that things could be worse.
Amy Yew is a registered clinical counselor and relationship therapist. Tell us what you think and submit any questions you have to amyvancouvercourier@gmail.com. You can also tweet your thoughts on Twitter @AmyYew.
