Help wanted: One (1) auditor general for local government, and one (1) B.C. treaty commissioner.
The B.C. government is looking for thrill-seeking self-starters who thrive on challenges and won’t take no for an answer. Or yes, for that matter.
We’re looking specifically for people who excel at reconstruction, given that both positions have blown up in our faces recently. If you like making something out of half-baked messes — or just like unmaking half-baked messes — talk to us.
Preference will be given to people with bomb-squad experience, given the explosive situations that exist. Circus acts will also be considered, given that both situations are now clown shows.
The successful applicant for the auditor job will be a hard-charging visionary with a knack for justifying their existence. We already have an auditor general, but we want another one. Never mind why, we just do.
The job involves scrutinizing the minutes of 190 municipal councils’ meetings, looking for waste, inefficient administration and duplication (such as having two auditors general, for instance.) The mission is to find $2.6 million in savings annually, because that’s the budget for the office (see “justifying existence” above).
The production benchmark is anything over one audit every two years. The position is open due to an unfortunate experience involving the one audit that arrived, instead of the 18 that were promised.
Some experience in the field of covert extractions or hostage-negotiating is an asset, given that the person who made that promise has barricaded herself in the office and shows no signs of coming out without a fight. Talking your predecessor out of the office safely, paying off all the legal bills, fixing the dysfunctional work environment and starting over will all come out of the existing budget, so the initial production quota is negotiable.
Do you like dealing with resentful, suspicious municipal councillors? Are you good at explaining how you’re not the “real auditor general”? Do you welcome the challenge of taking over an office where nearly everyone is unhappy, frustrated and upset at the constantly changing priorities?
This is your dream job.
The successful treaty commissioner will be a fan of suspense movies and marathon poker games, given that we like to dangle the job for months and then snatch it away at the last minute after lots of bluffing. Applicants must be able to discern all the subtle shades of meaning in the phrase: “It’s a deal. The job is yours.”
Knowing that “yes” means “maybe” and “maybe” can mean anything are assets.
Interviews will be conducted by Aboriginal Relations and Reconciliation Minister John Rustad. Don’t worry if you flub it. He’s completely irrelevant to the process and whatever he thinks of you doesn’t matter.
Applicants should be aware that former cabinet minister George Abbott had this position locked up until the deal fell apart last week at the last minute. Some people are asking “Why?” but you should be asking “Who?” as in: “Who’d be crazy enough to step into this mess?”
You, that’s who. We’ve shown we’re crazy. If you can out-crazy us, you’re in. Or out. We change our minds a lot. It depends on how we feel. Don’t count on actually having the job until you get the government credit card.
On a more serious note: Premier Christy Clark addressed both openings on Wednesday and took one and possibly both off the jobs board. She says they’re not going to name a chief treaty commissioner, although the word last Friday was that the search is still on.
After a “long, thoughtful process,” cabinet decided not to name a new commissioner because the treaty process (four treaties in 23 years, at a cost of $600 million) isn’t working. She said communication with Abbott over the position — which went on for months — was “terrible, really, really poor.”
But she took full responsibility for that.
As for the auditor general for local government, “all options are on the table for reform to make this work.”
Whether that means folding the job into the existing auditor general office likely depends on how much money is left after fired ex-auditor Basia Ruta is through suing the government.
“It hasn’t worked out as successfully as we’d like,” said Clark.
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