Sorry to break it to you, loyal readers. But summer is over.
Sure, the temperature might still be at enjoyable global warming levels for weeks to come and summer doesn’t officially go into hibernation for more than a month when autumn’s leafy, manure-scented grip takes hold Sept. 23. But for all intents and purposes it’s done. The days are shorter, the nights longer and the once invigorating, come-hither vibe of sundresses and dudes in tank tops has lost its carefree lustre — replaced with a woolen overcoat of dread, knowing that each day is one step closer to sweater season, dress slacks and sensible loafers that can handle a light mist of rain.
But there are steps you can take to stave off the existential angst and keep summer alive in your heart.
Underwear is an oppressive construct engineered by the undergarment industry to make you feel insecure about your junk’s freedom. Fight the power and launch the gaunch. Plus you’ll feel like you’re wearing a swampy swimsuit all day long. In a word: hot.
Meat, vegetables, toaster bagels. If it’s charred, smoky and tainted with remnants of that bratwurst sausage you cooked up a few weeks ago, chances are you’ll forget that you’re freezing your nards off on your nearly useless balcony while smoking out the neighbours because proper grill maintenance is for chumps who are slaves to the industrial complex.
Play all sports on sand
Is there anything sand can’t make more summery, besides war and the Middle East? We doubt it.
Bathe in Hawaiian Tropics
If there is one scent that instantly takes us back to our childhood summers in Nanaimo, besides our mother’s Player’s Light cigarettes and chalice of Rockaberry Cooler, it’s the coconut overload of Hawaiian Tropics suntan oil. Notice we didn’t say sunscreen or lotion. We’re talking about pure, skin-cancer-enhancing oil, slathered on with wild abandon until your skin looks like a turkey roasting in the oven. Sometimes in the dead of winter when our SAD is particularly bad, we’ll roll out a body-length sheet of tin foil, empty out half a bottle onto it, lie down, roll around and soak in the summertime nostalgia. Heaven.