If you happen to be one of those whimsy-seekers who cares about Groundhog’s Day and the shadowy habits of furred celebrities once a year, then listen up.
Punxsutawney Phil, Pennsylvania’s famed groundhog, emerged from his hell hole today and saw his shadow. That means winter conditions for another six weeks. However, Canada’s lame-ass equivalents, Wiarton Willie and Shubenacadie Sam, beg to differ. Both dudes didn’t see their shadows, which apparently means spring is coming.
K&K’s own resident rodent, Nanaimo Norm — an alcoholic badger with pink eye and a taste for menthol cigarettes — couldn’t be bothered to get out of bed this morning, and instead spent the day trolling people on Twitter and making love to a dirty Pikachu doll that he shares a cramped basement suite with. As lore has it, when Nanaimo Norm doesn’t get out of bed and spends the day trolling Twitter and doing it, it means there will be snow for a few days, followed by mild inconvenience, followed by Vancouverites calling for the head of the mayor and complaining about bike lanes and the price of real estate.