They call it a seven-year itch for a reason. The common notion that romantic love dies after the “honeymoon phase” is certainly a prevalent belief. Some people even go as far to say that marriage and commitment is a romance killer. Is a long-term relationship as boring as it seems? Are there couples that still have a fiery passion for each other after years of being together or is it just an urban myth? After all, Oscar Wilde once said: “One should always be in love. That is the reason why one should never marry.”
Long-term relationships get a bad rep because couples are often faced with challenges associated with getting to know each other’s true self. By true self I mean the period in the relationship where you start to show your flaws or aspects of yourself that you wouldn’t share with the general public. The second reason has to do with assimilating your life with someone else’s. This could mean a new routine, moving in together or trying new things out you normally wouldn’t. This sort of change can be difficult for some and the adjustment period can feel chaotic.
[You Might Also Like] Heart of Vancouver: When being idealized ruins your relationship.
For the cynics out there, research has shown that romantic love does exist in long-term relationships and marriage. It has also been associated to satisfaction, well-being and high self esteem. In fact, lasting romantic love has been shown to have intensity, sexual interest and engagement in long-term relationships. While obsession with your partner lowers in a long-term relationship compared to when people first start dating, partners still report intensity in their relationship that has influenced other areas of their lives in terms of well-being.
The message that researchers are eager to share is that a kind of status quo contentment that lacks some intense romantic element to it is not the best that you can expect in a long-term relationship.
Amy Yew is a registered clinical counselor and relationship therapist. Tell us what you think and submit any questions you have to [email protected]. You can also tweet your thoughts on Twitter @AmyYew.
