How complex is your identity when it ends with wife and begins with what your husband does for a living? This is the question behind Hockey Wives, a surprisingly sympathetic, grounded and real (not “real” à la Real Housewives) reality TV show about the WAGS of NHLers. It airs Wednesday nights on the W Network.
These Wives and Girlfriends of sports stars are varying degrees of self-important, independent and industrious. In some cases, the women are very independent and the relationship suffers. Or, you can almost hear some of the wives wondering… “What’s independence? How would he get out the door with pants on if I didn’t pull them up for him.”
One sensitive, doe-eyed woman whose husband is bouncing around below the NHL and its six or even seven-figure salary, puts words to her deepest doubts. “Every time [he] gets sent down, I start to wonder what did [he] do wrong, what am I doing wrong as his wife? Did I not take away enough of his burdens and he could only focus on hockey?”
Another, a down-to-earth but oblivious homemaker who is married to the captain of the L.A. Kings and his eight-year contract worth $48 million, says she is “counting down the days” until he retires. “I don’t really have a choice though, do I?”
Says one likeable, entrepreneurial woman whose husband made his career with his fists, “The girls who think everyone wants to be their friend because of their husband, that’s because they’re obsessed with their husband and have nothing else going on.”
I watch the show and will keep watching. But I realized I already knew a few “hockey wives.” One organizes drop-in ice time at the West End rink on Friday nights.
Another runs during her lunch break to stay in shape for playoffs.
Maybe you know a few women like this or have seen them at the Kitsilano arena, on the ice at Hillcrest or at Burnaby 8 Rinks. It’s not like professional hockey is an option.
Let me introduce you to two Vancouver hockey wives, neither of whom is married to a Canuck.
A graduate of Western Washington University where she was a varsity field hockey player, Teresa Schwartz is a high school teacher living in South Cambie who plays on three ice hockey teams, one full-time as an all-position skater, two more as a spare.
“The reason I play on so many teams is I know I can’t make all the games,” said the recreational mountain biker and former ultimate player with hall-of-fame Prime. If she misses a hockey game, it’s likely because she’s making sure her 12-year-old son and nine-year-old daughter get to their ice times. “I can still make it for one team so don’t feel like I’ve lost out on a game for that week,” she said.
Does Schwartz identify as a hockey wife? “No, I identify myself as a hockey player. I would, if anything, say I feel more like a hockey mom because, first and foremost, my children’s hockey and ringette is priority and then I’m second as a hockey player. It’s been a while since I’ve actually gone to see my husband play hockey.”
Mandy Hillier, a right-handed, left-handed shooter, rarely misses a game with her Ice Queens. “I’m guaranteed, once a week, both exercise and time to chat with the girls and have a beer afterwards,” she said.
Hillier likes that her teammates range in age from their late teens through to their 40s, are single, attached, have multiple kids or are child-free, and work in diverse professions. “You can’t cancel on the team,” she said. “One of the best ways to make a social life work is to commit to a team.”
Does she identify as a hockey wife? “No. Hockey wife implies that the woman just sits around while her husband plays, which is not a bad thing. I used to watch my husband play as well. I would say we’re more a hockey family,” said Hillier. “We both play 12 months a year.”
In eight years, 13 babies were born amongst Hillier’s teammates. “Our goalie has had two — that was hard to get a goalie, and then another goalie was pregnant.
There are not a lot of women goalies,” she said.
Hillier was back on the ice six weeks after having her children. “It’s a good sport for that because it looks high-impact but it’s not. When they’re that young, that’s when the husband brings the baby to the rink so you can nurse before you go on.”
With so many kids on the team and two kids of her own under the age of five, Hillier’s games are often boosted by a small cheering section.
“A few of us, our husbands play together and we will take the kids to their games. Some days, the husbands will bring them to watch us, so watching our games will be six kids and three dads.”
Husband cheering from the stands? That’s my definition of a hockey wife.
twitter.com/MHStewart
