When you’re in a long-term relationship, you have realizations that shock you into accepting that you’ve arrived at certain milestones. One of which is when your partner knows you so well that they’re completing your thoughts. While that may be a romantic notion and research has shown that the more your partner is integrated into your sense of self that couples are happier, a certain allure of mystery begins to disappear.
Sharing your thoughts and experiences can be a positive part of creating closeness in a relationship and in some cases; a keen sense of insight into your partner’s thoughts can help diffuse conflict. However, there comes a point in a relationship when your partner tells you “honey, you’re pretty predictable”, that you have second thoughts on sharing so much of yourself. Predictability breed comfort but it can also lead to boredom in relationships if it becomes chronic.
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The problem of over sharing doesn’t just apply to people in long term relationships; it applies to everyone (yes you!). People can now gain insights into who you are without ever even meeting you. In a recent survey by EHarmony in the Huffington Post, 43% of men and 54% of women admit to checking out their potential dates’ online profile such as Twitter or Facebook before actually meeting up with them. Everyday, people share (and sometimes even over share) information about their day and their inner thoughts to the world. From an overemotional outburst to hourly updates of exactly what you’re doing, it seems the line between being online social and TMI (too much information) is being blurred. Consider these 30 worst Facebook over shares. Whatever happened to the element of surprise and getting to know someone’s offline self?
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The program with over sharing personal information is how our brain interprets information. We tend to form categories for people and infer what we know about others we place in the same group to that individual. We try to predict and understand who they are all through photos and status posts. The data mined from online sharing of personal information is powerful and the element of surprise has been highly underrated. There’s nothing more interesting than when someone surprises you in a positive way and comes in far higher than what you expected (especially on a first date). Isn’t the whole point of a first date getting to know someone beyond what your online profile says?
Just because someone on your Facebook mines for likes or comments, it doesn’t validate how interesting a person is. Putting limits to how much you share on Facebook may just be what your relationships need.
Amy Yew is a registered clinical counselor and relationship therapist. Tell us what you think and submit any questions you have to amyvancouvercourier@gmail.com. You can also tweet your thoughts on Twitter @AmyYew.
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