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SINGLES ARE LESS CELEBRATED THAN COUPLES WITH CHILDREN

Babies. Weddings. Babies. As my big 3-0 th birthday approaches, it seems like my weekends are filled with cyclical patterns of baby showers and wedding.
singles less celebrated than couples with children

 

Babies. Weddings. Babies. As my big 3-0th birthday approaches, it seems like my weekends are filled with cyclical patterns of baby showers and wedding. It became even more apparent when my bank statement revealed that most of what I spent in the last few months were to celebrate someone else’s milestone. It begs the important question of what celebrations awaits those who are single in their 30s' equivalent to a wedding or baby shower? After all, singles in their 30s' often have to overcome societal pressure to settle down or procreate (which for some reason always lends itself to a somewhat archaic explanation like you should pass on your genes and you don't want to die alone do you?).

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Society as a whole celebrates certain choices we make in life like finding “the one” or choosing to have babies. Being parents is seen as a rite of passage, a way of life and how we define overall success.

If finding personal success really makes us happier people, does that mean that most people who are married and have children are happy?

Turns out, pronatalism (def: the belief that adults should have and raise children for their own and society's well being) has a lot to do to do with this issue. Researchers  looked at regions where pronatalism is high and also country specific fertility rates since areas which have low fertility rates may influence people to have more children to stabilize the rate of population. The analysis revealed that “childfree males and females from a strongly pronatalist countries were much less happy compared to individuals from weakly pronatalist countries.” This study showed that beliefs about child rearing influences non-parents and affects how they feel about themselves and their lives. Our need to bear children also decreases as environmental strain increases such as poverty or lack of resources to meet basic needs.

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The pressure to conform without questioning what we ourselves really want is there. It may be true that you may never have a celebration as big as your wedding day if you choose not to wed or have the excitement of being successfully inseminated. The fact is you may not always be celebrated for making the right decision for yourself. Sometimes, knowing that you can sleep through the night and travel at a whim is enough to make us feel lucky.

Source: Tanak, K., & Johnson, N. E. (in press). Childlessness and mental well-being in a global context. Journal of Family Issues. DOI: 10.1177/0192513X14526393

 

Amy Yew is a registered clinical counselor and relationship therapist. Tell us what you think and submit any questions you have to amyvancouvercourier@gmail.com. You can also tweet your thoughts on Twitter @AmyYew.