By all accounts, British singer Adele has had a fantastic week.
Her new album, 25, sold a reported 2.43 million copies in its first week, breaking a record previously held by *NSync way back in 2000. A cloying viral video of her disguised as an Adele impersonator has been making the rounds on Facebook.
And recent appearances on The Tonight Show and SNL, which even had a skit about the uniting powers of her music, only confirms Adele’s ubiquity.
There is a dark side to Adele’s pervasiveness, however. And that is her new song “Hello,” which has been stuck in millions of people’s heads, including ours, for six to eight hours every single day since it first came out. Even just typing this has put the song back in our head, despite the fact we’ve been drinking fairly solidly for the past few days to numb our senses.
But there is a way out, albeit a controversial one.
As far as we can tell, the only way to get Adele’s “Hello” out of your head is to replace it with another equally invasive tune. But these alternative songs are not to be taken lightly. While it might appear that we are advocating merely switching one debilitating ear worm for another, the key is to have an arsenal of songs at your disposal so you can exchange them at will when one gets too annoying.
Here are our suggestions.
But, please, use them wisely.
Starship “We Built This City”
Honestly, it’s a terrible song. It’s the most un-rock ’n’ roll song about building a city on rock ’n’ roll out there, with equally terrible lyrics to boot. But we defy you to not get this stuck in your head: “Marconi plays the mamba, listen to the radio, don’t you remember, we built this city, we built this city on rock and roll.” Pure evil.
Reel 2 Real “I Like To Move It”
The fact that we can only remember the lyrics “I like to move it, move it, I like to move it, move it” only proves this song’s lethal purity.
The theme from the A-Team
We weren’t even fans of this show as a kid, but we know its theme song better than our grandmother’s life story. We’ve even attended funerals and weddings when this song has infiltrated our brain waves — it’s that dangerous and undiscerning.
Maroon 5 “Moves Like Jagger”
Much like an STD given to you by Adam Levine, his band’s hit song “Moves Like Jagger” feels pleasurable at first but quickly proves irritating and in some cases can remain with you for life. And that whistle…
Gary Glitter “Rock and Roll Part 2”
What is worse, Gary Glitter’s multitude of sex offence convictions or having his song “Rock and Roll Part 2” stuck in your head? His multitude of sex offence convictions, of course. Don’t be insensitive. But the song is a close second.
Lindsey Buckingham “Holiday Road”
For years we assumed this song, which first invaded our dreams and waking life after watching National Lampoon’s Vacation movie, was sung by perennial 1980s movie theme hit maker Kenny Loggins. So imagine our surprise when we learned that this catchy little ditty came courtesy of Fleetwood Mac’s Lindsey Buckingham. And then imagine having the addictive chorus of this song bouncing around your brain for two weeks straight, preventing you from conducting meaningful conversations with friends and family, holding down any kind of job that requires concentration, or walking down the street without singing at the top of your lungs “Holiday roa… oaaaaaaa… oaaaaaa…oaaaaa… oaa… oaaaaad, holiday roa… oaaaaaaa… oaaaaaa…oaaaaa… oaaaaad.”