Summer housekeeping

Kudos and Kvetches

With summer sadly coming to an end, we thought it was a good time to do some much-needed housekeeping at K&K headquarters and address some of the news items we didn’t have a chance to cover over the past few months on account of being too busy living la vida loca, skipping the light fandango, working for the weekend and focussing too much on out-of-date song references.

• In June, TransLink introduced its newest SeaBus, the Burrard Otter II, which is scheduled to go into service this fall.

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Needless to say, we think the name is pretty lame, even if the vessel is replacing the original Burrard Otter, which will be retired from active service. Seriously, how much cooler would it be to ride something called the Burrard Muskrat or the Floating Sea Cucumber, which incidentally, in Nanaimo, is also the name of a certain lewd act.
On the bright side, the Burrard Otter II is slightly better than its fellow SeaBuses the Burrard Pacific Breeze, which sounds like a feminine hygiene product, and the Burrard Beaver, which just makes us giggle.   

• In what will forever be known as the worst day of our lives next to the cancellation of Designing Women and Bootsauce breaking up, July 31 marked the final broadcast of Gloria “the gossamer of loveliness” Macarenko after 24 years anchoring CBC TV newscasts.

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A fixture in our eating-dinner-on-the-couch-while-channel-surfing lives and our hearts, Macarenko will become the new host of the CBC Radio One network show The Story From Here, which sounds like a typical CBC family drama akin to Wind at My Back or Salt of the Earth People Doing Boring Things in Olden Days, but is actually a radio program that broadcasts documentaries from across Canada.

Former Montreal-based whippersnapper Andrew Chang officially took over the anchor desk, or more precisely “modern news broadcast standing spot,” on Sept. 1, but he is persona non grata to us. You do not mess with the Macarenko.

Veteran anchor Tony Parsons remains co-host. Oh wait, that’s a piece of well-worn furniture. Parsons actually retired at the end of 2013. Our bad.

• Two weeks ago, B.C. Lions president and gnomish magic user Dennis Skulsky guaranteed that his team would beat the Saskatchewan Roughriders when they came to town Aug. 24. And if they didn’t win, Skulsky promised those attending the game would get a free ticket to one of the Lions next four home games.

Turns out the Lions lost 20-16 and the team could lose a potential $2 million in revenue if everyone in attendance takes the Lions boss up on his offer.

Talk about awkward. Even more awkward than when Skulsky insists on showering with the team after each game.  

• Last week ICBC announced it wants to raise basic rates by 5.2 per cent to cover current and future payouts, citing a rise in claims due to distracted drivers who still insist on texting while driving and apparently are incapable of going to the grocery store after work without first checking in to see if there’s anything else they should pick up.

Personally, not owning a car, we have no problem if ICBC wants to apply a “dumb person tax” to its customers, just as long as they don’t increase the insurance on our Segway, or we don’t keep remembering that in February ICBC projected nearly $1 billion in profits for 2013-2016.

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