The day many of us at K&K headquarters have dreaded has finally arrived. On Sunday, the International Olympic Committee officially recognized Ultimate Frisbee as an Olympic sport.
Sure, proponents of the feel-good game will claim that it’s the fastest growing sport worldwide, and point out the millions of active players around the world and how a simple disc has democratized sport. Well, we’re having none of it.
First off, the name. It’s terrible. Would a sport called Awesome Swimming or Wicked Speed Walking be allowed in the Olympics? Of course not, even though speed walking is pretty wicked.
Secondly, it involves Frisbees. Lawn darts we would accept. Same goes for bocce, human pyramid building and crokinole, the most mysterious of finger-propelled board games. But once you allow Frisbees into the Olympics, you have to say yes to Slinkies and EasyBake ovens. And pretty soon, you’ll be allowed to marry your pet dog. It’s a slippery slope, folks.
And lastly, spirit points. Any athletic competition in which opponents award each other “spirit points” is not a sport in our book. It’s basically one hug away from a self-help class. If you lose, your team’s takeaway should be regret, shame, bitter infighting, blame, someone getting fired and the consumption of an inappropriate amount of alcohol.
If there is any consolation to the IOC’s approval of Ultimate Frisbee it’s that it doesn’t mean Ultimate will be a part of the 2020 Summer Olympics. All it means is that it joins the ranks of other “recognized” sports that aren’t actually a part of the Games — sports such as American football, auto racing, chess and sumo. And all those are pretty lame as well. At least hacky sack wasn’t even remotely considered.