Anyone who’s been in the difficult position of having to dump someone knows there’s really no going around breaking your partner’s heart. That may be true but how you break up with someone can reflect the level of care you have; at least researchers at University of Illinois and University of Winnipeg are claiming so. For someone who’s been dumped in nearly every way possible including over a text and on Christmas day, this was one article that called to my attention.
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Researchers Susan Sprecher, Corinne Zimmerman and Beverly Fehr outlined 4 main types of strategies to end a relationship:
1. Avoiding or withdrawing from partner: I avoided contact with my partner as much as possible.
2. Using manipulation: I became unpleasant in the hopes that he/she will make the first move.
3. Using impersonal form of communication: Informing my partner through text/email.
4. Positive tone: I avoided hurting my partner’s feeling at all cost.
5. Being open: I openly expressed to my partner my desire to breakup.
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As you can probably tell, using techniques 1 to 3 are probably not going to yield the best outcome in terms of causing emotional distress to your partner. Direct strategies such as 4 and 5 have been linked to more positive outcomes and a greater likelihood of maintaining a friendship with your ex post breakup. Furthermore, greater compassionate love for your partner also correlates with breakup strategies that have some component of compassion.
Researchers also claim that if you’re a person that has a high propensity to experience compassionate love, you’re also more likely to breakup with someone in a way that minimizes harm to him/her.
At the end of the day, compassion appears to be a positive trait when it comes to ending a relationship and minimizing pain.
Amy Yew is a registered clinical counselor and relationship therapist. Tell us what you think and submit any questions you have to amyvancouvercourier@gmail.com. You can also tweet your thoughts on Twitter @AmyYew.
