Those crazy mofos at Stats Canada have just dropped their first batch of mad data from the 2016 census, yo. And no surprise, numbers indicate Vancouver’s population has outpaced the national growth rate over the last five years — a 6.5 per cent increase since 2011, to be exact. That’s 1.5 per cent higher than the national rate. In your face, Canada.
What recent census data doesn’t reveal, however, is growth rates in other aspects of Vancouver life.
For instance, Vancouver saw a marked increase in the number of people who once claimed in college that Gandhi was their favourite movie of all time only to admit this past year that they actually watched only half the movie, which they can barely remember except that it was “OK” and that Sir Ben Kingsley guy was “pretty good.”
Vancouver also outpaced the national average for failed didgeridoo players attempting to transition into the hazy realm of world beat trance music or some other B.O.-scented hybrid.
Our city’s number of hackey sack players remained strong, second only to Montreal and Tofino.
Locally, poke bowls became the new yam fries, which were the new lettuce wraps, which were the new potato skins, which were the new chicken tenders.
And lastly, Vancouver topped the list for Snow Trolls, a.k.a. people who feel personally aggrieved by inclement weather and express themselves on social media by lashing out at local politicians they would never vote for in the first place.