It’s a rule of thumb that when you’re stressed to simply take a break. During that time you’re encouraged to take deep breaths and disengage yourself with the stressful event to allow for a clearer mind when you go back to tackle the problem. Most people would agree that if their partner asked for “a break” from the relationship as some form of distancing technique to an eventual break up. Let’s break down the issue and highlight some keys questions that some of you have out there about relationship breaks.
Q:So what is the difference between a “relationship break” and a breakup?
A:When you decide to take some time off from the relationship, you’re essentially saying that you have free reign in trying to figure out whether you want to be with that person. Trying to resolve some sort of issue is the key and this may mean that they get to exercise their hall pass. However, keep in mind that there’s a coming together at the end of exploring solutions to the issue that will have you inevitably answering to your actions. When you break up you’re giving closure to the relationship where both partners go their separate way.
Q:Why do people decide to have relationship breaks?
A:Usually, relationship breaks occur because someone in the relationship is unsure about something. They often feel like some time by themselves will allow them to find the answer on whether they want to continue with the relationship.
Q: Is it a bad sign when my partner wants a relationship break?
A:While it’s not a definite yes, most of the time it is.
Q: Do relationship breaks improve relationships?
A:There’s nothing wrong with taking some alone time to think about the problem at hand by going to the coffee shop or taking a walk. However, relationship breaks often jeopardize partners’ sense of safety and security within the relationship. Exiting out of the relationship could lead to trust issues that continue to permeate the relationship even after you get back together. Some partners even modify their behavior to placate to the other partner in fear that they will leave.
Q: If we get back together after a relationship break, does this increase the chance of it happening again?
A:The short answer to that is yes (especially if the experience was positive in some ways). This may become a coping method for your partner and problems will inevitably arise in relationships.
Q:How can I make relationship breaks work to enhance my relationship?
A:I wouldn’t recommend infidelity to find a solution to your answer. Give your partner a distinct timeline and work to find solutions to your problems within the relationship that will enhance closeness. This is a time away to create solutions that will make your relationship better. Reassure your partner that this is not an exiting strategy but rather one for you to find ways to enhance it.
Amy Yew is a registered clinical counselor and relationship therapist. Tell us what you think and submit any questions you have to amyvancouvercourier@gmail.com. You can also tweet your thoughts on Twitter @AmyYew.
