Most of us realize that you have to sift through the bad to get to the good and yet survey shows nearly half of teenagers and young adult have indulged in an on/off relationship. We’ve all had at least one friend who engaged in the emotional rollercoaster of a fickle relationship. They oscillate between feelings of hating their ex to seeing an optimistic future with him or her. So what exactly makes rekindling the flame with an ex so enticing?
Researchers from the University of Wisconsin surveyed over 792 daters and discovered that “44% of adults who had been in a romantic relationship in the past 2 years had at least one reconciliation with an ex partner”. When sex is involved, the percentage jumps to 53% admitting to having sex with an ex. Researchers cautioned that “emerging adults who reconcile may be prone to a behavior pattern that involves cycling through relationship formation… Furthermore, having sex with an ex may be problematic because former partners can have difficulty moving on from an old relationship or building new romantic attachments.”
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The new generation has expanded the categories of relationships. There’s now sexting, friends with benefits, seeing each other, hanging out, dating and many more. You can basically create the type of relationship status to suit your needs. Let’s face it. An on/off relationship is really a cheap knock off of a relationship and there may be several reasons why we keep falling prey to the ex trap:
1. We tend to romanticize the past. Time plays funny tricks on your mind and sometimes we’re prone to remember the good while minimizing the bad.
2. You feel like your relationship story is unfinished.
3. You were more invested in the relationship than the other person.
4. You’re unsure about the relationship. People are tempted to rekindle the flames with an ex if they’re not sure whether it’s truly done. There’s a sense of unfinished business that keeps you hanging.
5. They’re convenient and know what you like.
6. You want an on/off relationship and your partner gives you the freedom to do that. You explore then come back to someone safe.
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7. Social media makes it hard to cut ties. They’re in your newfeed, instgram and twitter. This makes it hard for you to move on when you’re still tied to updates of your ex’s social life and thoughts.
8. Wanting what you can’t have is an aphrodisiac that you can’t kick.
9. It becomes a habit.
Amy Yew is a registered clinical counselor and relationship therapist. Tell us what you think and submit any questions you have to amyvancouvercourier@gmail.com. You can also tweet your thoughts on Twitter @AmyYew.
