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I Watched This Game: Canucks 2, Blackhawks 4

The biased liberal media may try to convince you that the Canucks lost this game. Some members of the media are engaging in deliberately false reporting. It’s irresponsible and reckless.
I Watched This Game

The biased liberal media may try to convince you that the Canucks lost this game. Some members of the media are engaging in deliberately false reporting. It’s irresponsible and reckless.

The score of this game has been intentionally framed in such a way that it makes it look like the Blackhawks scored more goals. Inaccurate numbers involving shot totals were also tweeted. No one had numbers, because the National Hockey League, which controls the United Center, does not put any out.

We do know a few things, so let's go through the facts. We know that from the opening faceoff to the 14-minute mark, the Canucks scored as many goals as the Blackhawks. During the second period, the Canucks had twice as many shots. For over 40 minutes, from 17:30 in the first period to 18:42 of the third period, the Canucks scored infinity more goals than the Blackhawks.

This was the largest victory in the history of the NHL, period. The media are saying that’s a falsehood, but I’m giving you the alternative facts and you should trust me, because I watched this game.

  • The Blackhawks came out flying in the first period, breaking open the Canucks’ defensive shell with speed on the attack and forecheck, creating numerous turnovers. The Canucks responded by trying to play the same way and it really didn’t work, as they gave up a whopping 18 shots on goal in the first period. I’d say the two teams traded chances, but it was so lopsided that it was more like Alek Stojanov for Markus Naslund, with the Canucks getting the raw end of the deal this time.
  • Each Chicago goal seemed to come after a glorious chance by the Canucks. They opened the scoring after Daniel Sedin missed a wide open net, sending it through Corey Crawford’s legs and wide. Even Crawford thought it was in, dejectedly slumping over like someone ate all his hard-boiled eggs.
  • The Blackhawks made it 2-0 after Jayson Megna created one of the Canucks’ best chances with a beautiful move to the net, toe-dragging around a sprawled out Brent Seabrook. Unfortunately, Seabrook said, “Megnuh-uh” and blocked Megna’s shot with his stick.
  • Ryan Miller was the main reason this game didn’t turn into a blowout, making 16 saves in the first period alone and 31 overall. The two goals that beat him in the first were both perfect shots, the first going bar down and the second an unstoppable shot from Patrick Kane that went top corner on the short side. It’s hard to fault him for failing to stop the unstoppable when creating such an obvious paradox would destroy the entire universe. It was Miller’s biggest save of the night.
  • Canucks got back to their defensively-stifling, low-event ways in the second period, out-shooting the Blackhawks 8-4 and creating a couple quality chances. Sven Baertschi hit the side of the net with Crawford down; Jack Skille hit the post from a bad angle; Brandon Sutter hit the post on a Sedin setup on the power play; and Bo Horvat couldn’t beat Crawford on a power move to the net. It was just missed opportunity after missed opportunity, like when Chief Justice John Roberts didn’t use a joy buzzer when he shook Donald Trump’s hand after administering the oath of office.
  • Between Miller and the second period shutdown, the Canucks were in striking distance heading into the third period and an unlikely hero got the comeback started: the power play. It was a twist so outlandish that even M. Night Shyamalan thought it was a little unrealistic.
  • Troy Stecher made the goal happen, first making a diving save to keep the puck in at the blue line after Brandon Sutter was a little overzealous with his faceoff win. A quick pass to Henrik and back opened up some space, then Stecher thread the needle like his name was Stitcher, firing a wrist-shot through two penalty killers and by Crawford past a Daniel Sedin screen.
  • 46 seconds later, Bo Horvat scored an involuntary-yell-inducing goal. Baertschi tried to cut inside on Seabrook but fell to the ice, conveniently taking Seabrook with him. That gave Horvat room to use his patented BoHoToedrag around Michal Kempny to get to the net. His initial backhand was stopped, but Horvat had the presence of mind not to just jam away at the puck, but to collect it, move to his backhand, and slide it home like Josh Donaldson.
  • The Canucks couldn’t keep the point streak alive by getting the game to overtime, however, and it's all because Michael Chaput had to get a scoring chance from the slot. I mean, if he was paying attention to the rest of the game, he had to know that getting a scoring chance would lead to a Blackhawks goal. Really, it's all his fault.
  • Richard Panik ripped a slap shot off the end boards that ricocheted to Jonathan Toews on the opposite side, who made no mistake with the open net. You could blame Miller for coming out too far to challenge the initial shot, Stecher for not taking Toews, Edler for giving Panik too much room, or Daniel for letting Panik build up speed in the neutral zone, or you can accept that sometimes a good team scores a goal. Or you can blame the ice like Miller