When it comes to Vancouver real estate, if you don’t laugh, you’ll cry.
That makes it the perfect material for satirical “news” website The Beaverton, which posted a hilarious story May 1 parodying a real-life recent judgment that found a history of murder was no reason for a buyer to back out of a Vancouver home purchase.
The Beaverton’s headline proclaims, “Court rules that mansion’s portal to hell not valid reason for buyer backing out of real estate deal.” The story goes on to explain that at least 30 per cent of Metro Vancouver detached homes and 10 per cent of condos contain portals to another world. However, “approximately half of them lead to high fantasy realms and increase the value of the property.”
The article reads, “’The home inspection report clearly indicated the presence of a stable fissure in the space-time continuum leading to another plane of reality,’ Judge Julia Hammond said when making her ruling. ‘Once made aware of the existence of such a fissure, the onus is then on the home-buyer to determine the endpoints of all interdimensional portals before signing the closing documents.’”
The satirical story is clearly poking fun at a specific recent Court of Appeal case, in which a buyer of a luxury Shaughnessy home argued she was misled by not being told that the home’s former occupant, an alleged member of a Chinese gang, was fatally shot just outside the property. In the real-life case, the Court of Appeal overturned a previous court ruling that awarded the buyer damages and returned her $300,000 deposit.
The Beaverton’s parody continues, “The buyer in this case, Lucy Prescott, is furious with both the ruling and what she says are the deceptive circumstances that led to her purchase of the home. ‘There was clearly a cover up going on during the showings to mislead buyers like me. There was no wailing, there was no screaming, there was no oppressive sense of existential dread and physical terror coupled with a pseudo-sexual thrill at the idea of living beyond the judgment of God. This was real estate fraud, plain and simple.’”
Read the hilarious full parody here.